It’s the shift from feeling ashamed to feeling proud that many gay men and women find it hard to do.
I returned to India a year ago, after 22 years in the United States. A few years ago, when I first spoke about going home, all my friends had invariably asked me, “What if were we gay in india?
An Indian faces many challenges when trying to resettle in the homeland. I had a little common, additional.
After proudly being outdoors for over two decades living in New York City, the birthplace of the modern gay rights movement, I returned to my homeland where homosexuality was illegal and acceptance of gays was limited. I had forgotten about the days in the closet and had to adjust again to hide an essential part of myself.
Despite this, I decided to move. I wanted to support my aging parents in their own home and country. Not only had they done their best to uplift me, but they had made me free to move on with my life in any way I wanted, including my sexuality which they lovingly accepted. Their acceptance was despite coming from conservative middle class backgrounds with very little, if any, exposure to homosexuality before I spoke to them about 15 years ago.
Not ready to be unmasked
I knew then that there was a larger LGBTQ + population in India than the overall population of many countries. If they could survive, and in many cases thrive, in India, I thought I shouldn’t hesitate to try to adapt, especially since I was more privileged than many of them. Besides, I told my friends half-jokingly, I could always back down if things got absolutely untenable, as much to allay their worries as to cover my own.
Despite my courageous thoughts, I had already timidly decided to take the path of least resistance. Being openly gay in India then had two obstacles for me. The first was the criminalization of homosexuality, a colonial imposition that Indians suffered for over two centuries. Second, my parents weren’t ready to be exposed as the parents of a gay son in their own world despite their acceptance of me and my gay friends. It’s one thing to accept your child out of love, but it’s another to stop feeling the shame in society that your son is openly gay. Even today, even in liberal cities of the West, it’s this leap from feeling ashamed to feeling proud that many gay men and women struggle to make.
Then, less than a year after my return, the Supreme Court decriminalized same-sex relationships. In the verdict, the judges not only vehemently supported homosexuals’ right to dignity, but one judge went so far as to point out that history owes us an apology.
Strong verdicts
Now, with the law of the land no longer against us, all accepting Indian parents will feel more comfortable that their child is openly gay. They will have the assurance that their primary concern, the safety of their children, is now assured. Now, only the company has to move forward enough so that it can be proud of its gay sons and daughters.
I’ve had two minds about writing this public essay, fearing it might upset the peaceful status quo I’ve maintained with my parents since I came out to them 15 years ago. That this could end up going against my main motive for moving, which is to give them a happy and supportive retirement life. What inspired me were the vigorous verdicts that the five jurists delivered and the voices of the courageous women and men who openly fought an uphill battle to win this decision. It pushed me to make myself more visible here. Having experienced and experienced first-hand the change in acceptance of gay people in the United States, I realize that nothing helps the cause more than positive visibility.
The writer is a lighting designer for architecture, and after the fast-paced New York City, is now experiencing a slower life in India.
